Mother and Son
Reunited After 41 Years

August 7, 2007 - By Dwight Hayes

A Mother's love is something
that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .              From: A Mother's Love by Helen Steiner Rice

"For nothing can destroy it or take that love away......"  not forty one years of separation, not the pain of having your child taken from you, not the helplessness of being unable to speak or hear, not the hundreds of miles of distance......

Do a Google search for Ben Hur, Virginia and you will find a small community located deep in the Southwest corner of the Commonwealth of Virginia, just a blip on the map at the crossroads of US Hwy 58 Alternate and Virginia State Road 644.

In the hot August summer of 1962, the mountains of Virginia and the small community of Ben Hur may have seemed thousands of miles away from the rest of the world.  To Wilma Sue Lipps, deaf and mute since birth, Ben Hur was the center of her universe.  Barely 17 and expecting a child, Wilma was arguably standing at one of  the most important crossroads of her life, a crossroads that would ultimately bring her to Arab and another major crossroad in her life.

The Lipps family was typical of many of the families in the mountains of Virginia in the early 60's.  Money was scarce and educational opportunities for a young deaf mute girl were few, especially one who was pregnant.  Being pregnant and unmarried in 1962 carried a heavy stigma for the girl and her family.  According to family members, the stigma was so great that after the birth of Daniel Eugene Lipps on August 9, 1962, Wilma's mother tried to protect her daughter by claiming Danny as her own son for a time.  Eventually she admitted that Wilma was Danny's mother.

It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .

"And it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking . . ."   Wilma's mother played a key role in caring for Danny and Wilma until an automobile accident in 1967 took her life when Danny was approximately four years old.  Suddenly without a home and with no means to support and care for a small child, Wilma found herself living with relatives in Michigan.  Those relatives saw a young woman who was a deaf mute, and a small boy who needed a lot of attention  In the upheaval, it was decided that Wilma had to give Danny up for adoption.  By all accounts the decision was made for her and against her will.  Soon thereafter, Danny found himself in the Michigan foster home system.  It was that arbitrary decision and the question of legal custody, that caused Danny to bounce through ten different foster homes and a youth home three different times before being adopted by Constance and Ralph Nicolai of Warren County, Michigan at the age of 14.  Constance and Ralph changed his name to Kenneth Nicolai.

Ralph and Constance Nicolai eventually divorced. Ralph Nicolai died three years ago.

As Danny approached his 21st birthday, the urge to learn about his roots and to find his natural mother began to surface, but it was an urge that was quickly and repeatedly quashed by his adopted mom.  Danny feels that she probably felt threatened by the possibility of his natural mother coming back into his life.  Because of her opposition, his quest to find his mother was an off and on journey.  It was not until the death of Constance two years ago that he felt at real liberty to renew the search. .

As Danny settled down with his new family, Wilma was still living with various relatives.  Eventually she found her way to Arab to live with her brother Carl Lipps.  Carl died in 1994 and with the help of his wife Barbara, Wilma became a resident of the Golden Living Healthcare in Arab.  Wilma is an eleven year resident and Barbara serves as her sponsor..

It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . .

"And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation . . ."  Being unable to speak helps to keep a secret.  It wasn't until March of this year that the staff of Golden Living learned that Wilma had a son, much less that she hadn't seen him in over 40 years.  As the story unfolded, the staff began to understand the occasional periods of unexplained tears and depression.  Tears brought on by the memory of a lost child.  The lost years of holding and cuddling.  The lost years of caring for his needs.  The lost years of seeing him grow into manhood and the birth of his own children.

A family reunited.  L-R Christopher, age 13, Candace, age 4, Cindy (in back), Wilma, Caitlin, age 11 and Danny Lipps.

A many splendoured miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God's tender guiding hand.

"And another wondrous evidence of God's tender guiding hand....."  Cindy Lipps, Danny's wife of fifteen years, calls the reuniting of mother and son, "God's miracle" especially since they found her during the Holy Week leading up to Easter.  Danny added, "The Lord took care of both of us to bring us together." 

Danny credits Cindy's recent interest in genealogy with putting the earthly work into finding his mom.  Cindy said that Danny was initially skeptical of her interest in tracing their roots.  "Why would you want to find out about people who are dead,"  Danny asked.  "Just curious," was Cindy's answer.  It was that curiosity that led Cindy to post a query on CousinConnect.com.

In October 2006, Cindy posted a short, four sentence, query about Danny with information about his childhood.  Danny didn't really expect a reply, but in March the unexpected happened.  An aunt, Melody Boward, came across the post after doing a Google search for "Danny Lipps" --- not Wilma's Danny, but another Danny Lipps, the son of another relative.  She quickly recognized the name and history and fired off a reply, even remembering that she had been his babysitter on occasion prior to his adoption.  It wasn't long before the emails and phone calls were going back and forth between Alabama and Illinois where Danny now lives.  Pictures followed and then plans to come to Alabama when vacation could be arranged.  This past Sunday, Danny and his family made the trip from Elgin, Illinois.  After almost 41 years mother and son are rekindling their relationship.

Danny admits that he was nervous and anxious about the meeting.  "I knew that she was deaf and unable to speak and I wondered how we would communicate."  Within minutes of the meeting, Danny knew the nervousness was unwarranted.  "There is a natural understanding between us and we seem to understand each other without having to talk, my emotions have settled down and I am so glad that we are together", he added.

For Wilma it is all smiles.  Gone are the days of endless tears.  Although unable to speak words, the love in her eyes toward Danny speak more than words could ever describe.  She points to Danny or his picture and forms a cradle with her arms and then points to herself to indicate he is her baby.

Children and grandchildren spend some quality time with grandma.  They are looking through a scrapbook of Wilma's years at Arab Golden Living.

Danny and Cindy have three children.  Christopher, age 13, Caitlin, age 11 and Candace, age 4.  Danny said that one of the best thing about finding his mom was the chance for the children to have a physical bond with a grandmother.  Cindy's parents had already passed when she and Danny were married.  Due to his adoptive parent's divorce they never really knew him and the death of his adopted mother two years ago left a void in the grandparent experience.  "I am glad that we have been able to be here in a physical presence to fulfill that need.  The children have really latched onto her".  Christopher said, "I am just so thankful that I can be here with my grandma."

Both Danny and Cindy work for the Salvation Army and have been officers since 1987.  "Being an officer is sort of like being a Pastor," Danny explained.  "We are in charge of a mission in Elgin that ministers to a Latino area."  About 40% of the area is Latino.  They have started a literacy program, provide emergency services, food, clothing, a youth program, church and occasionally a place to live.  While neither speaks Spanish they feel led to minister to poor immigrants.  Danny has been involved with the Salvation Army since he was about 21 years old.  "I have always loved to help people and from what I hear mom does too.  I guess it comes naturally".

Danny and his family will be staying until Friday, but he says there will be a lot of trips back to Alabama now that he has found his mother.  Wilma will be staying with them the entire week.  The entire family was planning a trip to the Alabama Space and Rocket Center on Tuesday along with other activities.

Danny will celebrate his 45th birthday on Thursday.  Probably can't get a better present than a mom.