Archived Articles By
Reverend Max Roden

Dealing With Your Anger

Reverend Max Roden, Pastor
Gilliam Springs Baptist Church

We readily realize that we all have to deal with anger to some degree. A man once said, “I want to thank you, Lord, for being close to me so far this day. With you help, I haven't been impatient, lost my temper, haven’t been grumpy, judgmental, or envious of anyone. But I will be getting out of bed in a minute, and I think I will really need your help then. Amen

It is not wrong to tell someone that you are angry or to be angry. Just don't let it lead to sin. The Bible teaches us to acknowledge our anger when it states, “Be angry and sin not…” Ephesians 4:26 KJV.

What causes us to become angry?  Many times it is unrealistic expectations, violations of our rights, challenges to our self-worth, some disappointment or an irritation. Our anger is an example of our belief that there is a right and wrong!

Anger affects our emotions, mind and body. Anger is the emotion that arises whenever we encounter what we perceive to be wrong. This may be coming short of or going beyond our expectations. What is not fair or equal, loving or justice stirs our anger.

Mishandled anger is devastating. Cicero said, “When anger entered nothing could be done rightly and nothing sensibility.”

An example is the problem of spouse abuse in America. Two Million women are reportedly abused each year. What can we do about our anger?

Aristotle said, “Anyone can become angry, that’s easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right degree at the right time for the right purposes and in the right way – This is not easy. Some of the results of anger are: guilt, embarrassment, shame, damaged relationships, ruined marriages, job consequences, jail and even prison. When children internalize anger it leads many times to behavioral problems.

So, the big question is, “How can I handle my anger appropriately?” You may find some of the following suggestions helpful.

1. Admit that you are angry, don’t deny it or hide it.

2. Assume control – don’t respond inappropriately. Refuse to take action now in the heat of the moment. Wrong responses to anger are to either internalize the anger which leads to depression or, to explode, emotionally venting your anger inappropriately.

3. Assign the reason for your anger toward whom or what action.

4. Ask, “what actions should I take in regard to my anger?” “What will I do?” Ask, “What is the Christian response?”

You can choose to overlook what has happened.

You can confront the person creating the anger. If you confront and they do not repent, release them to God. You can commit it to God and trust Him.

You can take positive action to correct the wrong but don’t store the anger. Confess your sin to God and seek His forgiveness.

5. Ask, “Do I have the right to be angry?”  What wrong was committed?

6. Remember the wisdom from the book of Proverbs 29:11 “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a  wise man keeps himself under control.” NIV

The wrong handling of anger destroys marriages, friendships, disturbs happiness and causes health problems. Therefore turn from inappropriate actions. Learn gratitude and thankfulness. Don’t always have to have your own way.

7. Be quick to forgive and slow to become angry.

8. Above all, look to God for strength. He alone can change us within. He teaches us to “be angry and sin not.” Only He can lead us through those tough times so that we do not sin. When we sin, we sin against ourselves, our family and fiends and the one who loved us so much that He gave His son for us. By acknowledging how damaging anger really is we may take the necessary steps to address it appropriately, through His grace and strength.

When Your Child Breaks Your Heart

Reverend Max Roden, Pastor
Gilliam Springs Baptist Church

For the majority of married couples, having children is one of life’s greatest joys. There is nothing that compares to the joy of holding your child for the first time. Whether the child is yours by birth or by adoption, it is a joyous experience. And the child or children continue to be a great source of joy throughout life. But, with the potential for great joy comes also the possibility of a broken heart if your child makes bad choices in life and chooses a dangerous and sinful life-style.

Multitudes of parents spend many sleepless nights worrying about their children and what will happen to them. Many are greatly embarrassed about the direction that their children have taken in life and find it hard to talk about their children with others. What can parents do in a time like this?

We must first realize that none us have all the answers and we must be cautious about giving a list of sure-fire steps that will guarantee success. Every child and every situation is different and each child may respond differently. In light of this truth I would like to offer some suggestions that I believe may bring hope and encouragement to parents whose hearts are broken because of the actions of a grown child.

Do not be so quick to blame yourself. There are no perfect parents and all of us could have done better and most of us would have if we had just known more during the years our children were growing up. The ideal parent was God, demonstrated in his relationship to the nation of Israel, and that nation rebelled against Him and broke His heart. God said through the prophet Isaiah, “I have nourished and brought up children, and they have rebelled against me.”

We must be willing to recognize our own failures as parents and admit them if there is to be reconciliation with the wayward child. Parents must make every effort to reconcile with their child. A beginning point is to ask “how have I hurt you” and then seek the child’s forgiveness. The parent that is too proud to acknowledge his or her failure will have a hard time maintaining a good parent-child relationship.

Parents of wayward children must do that which is so challenging and love them unconditionally. Again our example is God. His love for us is unconditional and unending. The child must know that they are always loved by us even while we strongly disagree with actions and life-styles. The Bible says that God “loved us while we were yet sinners.” His love for us is not based on our actions but on His character and personal decision. We too must choose to love the child in the midst of his or her rebellion.

We also must realize that nagging does not bring about positive change. Nagging a wayward child will only drive them farther from you. They will not want to come home for another nagging session. Let them know that you love them, that you care for them and that you enjoy seeing them. .

When your child repents be quick to forgive and put it in the past. While their waywardness may have been very costly financially and emotionally, there is no benefit in holding on to the past. The story of the prodigal son in the Bible gives us a wonderful example for us to follow. When the wayward son returned home the father quickly caused him to forget the past and focused his attention on the future.

Now here is the really hard part. We must be willing to allow God to use the circumstances in their lives to bring them to repentance. Sometimes we interfere with what God can do by delivering our children from painful experiences or those that would embarrass us. God uses circumstances in the lives of the rebellious to turn their hearts toward Him. Again, the story of the prodigal son is an excellent example. The son had to feed hogs for a while before he was willing to repent. Today, a child may have to get hungry, spend time in jail or one of many other circumstances before they turn. Our challenge will be to determine if we are willing to wait on God and trust Him or will we attempt to handle it ourselves..

One last and very important word; pray, pray, pray. Pray that God will bring people into the life of your child that can influence them toward the right direction. God uses people in the lives of wayward people and He responds to our prayers.

My prayers are with each and every hurting parent today. Let me encourage you to take your concerns to God and do take heart, God works miracles.

Max Roden